A couple of months ago, I made a new friend, Jerry. One of those friends that I know will be (already is) an important part of my life for a long time. I had the opportunity to share with him how I met my beloved wife, best friend and business partner, Sonika. As I shared the story of miraculous incidents and divine love with him, I realized this really great piece:

What has led me to where I am now, in this totally different life than I’d ever expected, is Love. Love and Spirit. I have merely followed the cues of love and spirit. I sometimes would love to think it was my brilliant planning, my genius mind, or my daring sense of adventure that brought me to where I am, but truthfully, it’s none of those. I can’t even take the credit for coming up with the steps to take, as it seems more to me that Love and Spirit produced the ideas – I just had the wherewithal to follow.

What I could take a bit of credit for is that I learned to follow the leads of Love and Spirit, and thank God for that, because that has produced such an awesome adventurous life for me. I shudder to think where I’d be if I’d followed the “plan” I devised for myself in my 20′s. Yikes, I’d probably be dying slowly in some office somewhere.

How do you think that would be for you if you led a life like that?

Being free is a curious thing, and what does it really mean, anyway? To my 11-year-old son, it means no homework, no obligations, no responsibilities. To my neighbor, it means not having to go to work and have time in the yard. To my business associates, it means having enough money coming in to not worry. Which is it? 

In every man, freedom is a fierce desire. How many men know the fear of committing fully to a relationship for fear that it may cost freedom? And how many end up leaving the relationship to regain a freedom that was apparently lost? 

In my Old Life, I left dozens of relationships for that reason. As soon as I felt the connection getting more serious, I also felt the trap closing in on me, like the lid of the coffin closing out the light, and off I was. Every time I’d walk out on a woman, I felt terrible for having hurt her, and great because I was free again! Sounds familiar, men? 

It’s been my experience, both from my work and connection with other men, as well as from my own life, that almost every man has issue with freedom and relationship. Which leads to all manner of unspoken and unconscious feelings that just pile up in there, fermenting anger, resentment and rebellion. The trap is obvious: The urge to freedom and sharing life with a partner are both strong forces that pulse through us all, but if they are mutually exclusive, how can we win? Thus we end up compromising our truths and shutting down our deepest wants and desires, because we believe we can’t have both. 

It is my message that freedom is not in any way connected to the number of obligations we have, or whether we’re single or partnered, rich or poor, responsible for a thousand employees or none, or whether we’re the president of the USA or the unemployed worker. Those are all circumstances of life, temporary conditions that surely will change during the course of life. Freedom, however, is of another realm. Circumstances are of the realm of form; freedom is of the realm of essence. Freedom is the foundation upon which all these circumstances can play out.

Take two CEO’s of large corporations. Both responsible to hundreds of employees, thousands of shareholders, wife and children, church and community. Surely that’s a lot of responsibilities. Can one be feeling free as a butterfly, and the other bound to an endless treadmill? Even though exact same circumstances? How is that possible? 

Take two husbands, both with wife and children, mortgage payments, baseball practice, church on Sunday. Can one be living his dream, the other his nightmare? Even though exact same circumstances? How is that possible? 

I must go now, thanks for checking in, next post to come…..

Real Man, Free Man is a new way of being a man. This new Real Man is a man who is willing to give and embrace EVERYTHING he’s got, and to tell the truth about it all. It has come out of my own attempt to live as a “real man” which led me to live the exact opposite of what I now am sharing as a new way of manhood. I have immersed myself in the depths of the “old way”, living through intense pain and depression, only to emerge from the ashes as a new man. 

We all know what a “real man” is, right? Or used to be. The stoic, strong, firm-chinned, never complaining, breadwinning, ever composed, head-of-the-household patriarch, do your duty, fight-for-king-and-country kind of man. Being a “real man” was always a dull affair, never sensual, sexual, vivacious, spontaneous, wild, uncontrolled, playful, imaginative, foolish, the list goes on. The “real man” was never very real, in the sense that he could show the world who he truly was, mostly because he’d forgotten who he truly was, and he was never free! That man 

Whether you’re a man yourself, or you’re a woman relating to men, do you feel and see that most men live as mere shadows of the Masculine Being they could be, and were meant to be? Do you see that most of us are so reigned-in and controlled it’s killing us slowly. Do you feel that  hidden beneath those layers of polished behavior, cool facade, emotional suppression and fear of judgement, there is much more than you get to see?

Men, do you feel there is a different kind of man inside you somewhere? Do you feel that man that would stand up to the world for your truth, ravish your woman with your unbridled love and desire, play loudly and uninhibitedly with your children, walk proud through the world, and wake up every morning with an zealous appetite for all Life has to offer? 

Women, don’t you know that your man has WAY MORE to offer you that what you’ve seen so far? Despite your love for him, don’t you have this deep knowing that if only he would express everything he is, the rest of the world would get to see him as you see him in your love? Don’t you want to yell at him: “Where the hell are you! Is anyone at home in there! I know you! I know you’re in there!” The question for you women is: Are you ready for your man to give you absolutely ALL OF HIMSELF? Or do you also feel safer with the domesticated, lukewarm man? Be aware, when you’ve been used to the shut-down, halfway-gone shadow of a man, it can be a frighteningly powerful experience to be faced with a Real Man!

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